You’re Not Wrong, You Just Value Different Things

Why advice about work feels so personal, and what your reaction is actually telling you

Some people heard Emma Grede say that working from home is a career killer for women and immediately agreed. Others felt dismissed the second it was said. That split says more about what we value than whether she is right or wrong.

She made the comment on an episode of Baby, This is Keke Palmer, where she also said that careers require proximity and visibility.

There is a lot of career anxiety in the air right now, and for some, the conflict is between their level of ambition and their desire for flexibility. That’s why her perspective has the internet going crazy.

Emma clearly values workcentrism, affluence, and achievement, organizing her life around her work, making money, and pursuing excellence. Affluence and achievement are both top values of mine, and my workcentrism isn’t far behind. She says her advice is for ambitious little monsters who want success, and I am one of those people, so I listened. I haven’t had a job that requires being in the office consistently since 2020, so her advice doesn’t apply to me literally, but I know what she means. It’s the reason I even live in NYC and pay expensive rent when I don’t have a corporate job tying me here, because the access to events, people, and opportunities makes the city feel like an extension of my work. Being in certain rooms has directly shaped what I’ve been able to do.

But her advice was never for everyone, and she said so herself. I’m also not here to sell you on it. Not organizing your life around ambition isn’t a character flaw. It means you’re optimizing for something else. Maybe that’s your relationship, your family, or your peace. A role with real flexibility, a career that doesn’t follow you home, a life where work is something you do and not something you are. My job is to get you to be honest with yourself about what is really driving your decisions.

The friction people feel is that achievement and success are treated as values we all share. So when there is a moment that clearly divides us, the people who value success and also want to work from home feel like they have something to prove. Most people haven’t decided what they want yet, but they still react as if they have. There is a difference between desiring a value because people you respect or the larger society have it, and it being something you consistently organize your life around. It’s worth knowing before you internalize advice that wasn’t meant for you. Because at some point, you have to decide what you’re actually organizing your life around, and that choice comes with tradeoffs.

I could say that familycentrism is a high value for me, especially knowing how people react when I say it’s low, but it’s almost at the bottom. I don’t center my actions around my family, and I have to live with that truth. That’s the part that's hard to say out loud. Choosing something more fully means choosing other things less.

One of my top values is affluence, and I voluntarily left my six-figure tech job to build a business, so I do not feel as affluent as I have at other points in my life. At the same time, I understand that what I am doing now is in service of building a life that is aligned with that value, so the short-term tension makes sense within the larger picture of how I want to live.

Once you know your values, podcast clips like this one from Emma stop being verdicts on your life. We aren’t measuring ourselves against how other people want to live or defending our choices against it. You’re someone with your own set of priorities, making decisions that make sense for you. The reaction you had when you read about this online or heard the clip was your data point. You now know something about what you’re actually reaching for, even if you haven’t said it out loud. Emma is just telling you what she thinks success looks like. The goal isn’t to decide if she’s right or not. It’s to get clear on what you value so that the next time advice doesn’t land, you know why and can keep it moving.

I’m so glad you’re here. I write weekly, talk things through on Hi! I’m Here, and offer one-on-one values sessions for people who want to get clear on what they actually want. You can find me on Instagram or TikTok, or book a values session with me here.