I'm Feeling 32

A birthday week reflection on the gift of aging, shifting friendships, and what my Saturn Return surfaced

My 32nd birthday is this Saturday. I've been reflecting on how I've spent the last three decades, who I've become, who I'm still becoming, the people I want around me as I grow older, and the relationships that didn't make it to thirty-two but still shaped me.

The most delicious cake from The Good Batch

I'm not a huge birthday person outside of milestones, but I see it as a moment of gratitude and reflection. For my sister, who drove to Florence, Kentucky, last week to buy a camera for me because it was sold out everywhere else. For Kate, who always tries to be on the East Coast for my birthday (can't wait to see you). For Seun, who gifted me the KitchenAid ice cream attachment because he knew I’d love it (ice cream socials at my house this summer). For my parents and grandparents, who make my birthday feel special from states away. And for the friends who insist on creating a plan to celebrate even when I don't.

I could cry on command if I think too hard about all of that love. Aging is a gift, mainly because you start to see what isn't guaranteed.

At my first post-grad job, a coworker told me, "Your 30s are the best. You know who you are, you've got more money, and you know who your friends are." I was 22, and every experience was new. I had my first 9-5 and had just moved to Chicago. I couldn't even picture what the next decade would look like.

Almost ten years later, he was right. I've worked hard to know myself. I feel more sure of who I am, what I value, and how I choose to spend my time than I ever have. I made more money in my 30s than in my 20s. Then I quit my job. Giving myself this period to figure things out has been one of the best gifts I've ever given myself.

As for friendships, I remember my friend Rishi telling me over a glass of overpriced prosecco at Dumbo House that I had too many friends. I silently scoffed. Having a million friends was my thing! I was always on the phone, at someone's event, or flying somewhere for someone else's milestone.

Rishi looks gorg while reading me for filth

But things started shifting after that conversation in December 2021. I used to joke that Rishi cursed my social life. He didn't. He just saw what I wasn't ready to see.

My Saturn Return started in March 2023. If you're unfamiliar, it's an astrological event that pushes you to grow up and figure out who you want to be. Alex Lewis wrote a piece on Saturn that I adore.

Saturn is Somewhere

Mine began with a layoff and a trip to Miami for a friend's wedding. I was also on the rocks with my high school friend group after my performance at NYC Storytelling Night, Generation Women. I told the truth about how I felt during an incident at home, which didn't go well.

Freshly laid off in Miami

Everything was changing. I had no job, no plan, and had just lost some of my oldest friends. I don't do sad very well, so I dubbed that season "Severance Girl Spring." I lived at the Dumbo House pool, floated around the city, and threw multiple 30th birthday parties.

A scene from one of the 30th celebrations

Eventually, I stopped pretending I wanted a corporate life. I started writing more. I launched this Substack. I was invited to my first brand event (shoutout to Saie Beauty). It was a preview of the life I was manifesting. I still had to take another corporate job because my bank account said so. I landed at Adobe. If you've been here for a while, you know I left in March.

My Saturn return is almost over, and the only thing that hasn't changed is my address. My job is different, and some friendships are no longer. I'm finally building the career I've always dreamed about.

Aging is a gift. Year 32 is another chance to become even more me!

As always, thank you for reading Define Normal. You can always send me a message to continue the conversation! Otherwise, you can find me on IG, TikTok, or the Define Normal podcast.